Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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