You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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