why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
