i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
