Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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