god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
