Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
