wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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