Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
