thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
