I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
