I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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