i don't plan on having that self control this summer
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
