I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
This toilet bowl is my home.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
