I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
