of course. lets lasso hookers.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
