Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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