My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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