she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
i out mim tonsoeep
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
