Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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