He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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