im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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