I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
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