I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
