Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
