I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
