Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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