Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
