i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
