The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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