in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
