My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
cat food counts as protein by the way
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I will be naked everywhere
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
