Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
