You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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