The maid of honor just puked.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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