I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Buhtt sex?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
