I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
This is the high leading the old right now
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
