I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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