i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
