i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
