A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
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Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
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In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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