We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I could make wine with my vomit
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
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