my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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