They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
