Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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