you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
