How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
