Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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