Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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