just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
