I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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