you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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