She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Randomize
